The Toots and Boots of the 96th Academy Awards

DA MOOVIES! In the cold light of Monday, we can all agree that the Oscars are kind of silly, but dammit they’re a fun silly! It’s nice to see your own personal tastes get validated, it’s nice to see a bunch of super attractive celebrities get all dressed up and hand each other awards. It’s frivolous fun. And as always, they don’t matter. Unless my personal favourites win, in which case they matter A LOT. This year, they mattered a fair amount, with a few glaring exceptions. Let’s have a look at some of the highs and lows of the 96th Academy Awards!

Toot, Oppenheimer Sweep

Idgaf guys, Oppenheimer was a really, really good movie. Despite being a biopic, it wasn’t your typical Oscar bait - it was a 3-hour non-linear, partially black and white film shot on 30mm IMAX, about senate hearings and security clearance. It appealed to the film snobs and the blockbuster bros in equal measure. It had stunning performances all around, beautiful cinematography, a beautiful score, and was somehow made coherent by editor Jennifer Lame. Christopher Nolan delivered an honest to god masterpiece, and it was wonderful to see it recognised. 

Boot: Killers of the Flower Moon shut out

As a society, we don’t deserve Martin Scorcese. I do, obviously, but the rest of you guys are on thin ice. What do we have to do to get this guy an award!? Obviously, there was the big snub ™, that we’ll get into later, but KOTM was one of Marty’s greatest. A beautiful portrayal of the deep evil that is in White America’s DNA with one of the most beautiful, striking endings in any film ever. In his later career, Scorcese’s films have become increasingly introspective and considered. This is now his third film to garner 10 nominations and leave empty-handed and as a society, we owe him so much more. 

Toot: I’m Just Ken

Ryan Gosling, the man that you are. Probably the best moment of the night was courtesy of Ryan Gosling’s performance of I’m Just Ken. This performance had everything, pink suits, Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friends homages, Slash from Guns n Roses, audience participation! Goslings' commitment to the bit is part of why Barbie was such a phenomenon, and it was a sheer delight to see this commitment run through to the Oscars. 

Boot: Jimmy Kimmel

God those jokes were TIRED! Why would they get someone who appeared to not even like films to host the biggest night in film! Are we really doing “movies are too long,” jokes in MARCH of 2024? Sex scene jokes? We need to bring back earnestness because “hey i hate the movies and they’re all too long” isn’t delivering

Toot: John Mulaney

I’ll just

No notes. Please host next year. 

Boot: Jonathan Ross

God you thought you had it bad in America - the Brits were “treated” to a panel with Johnathan Ross and a bunch of amateurs. It was clear that they hadn’t seen the majority of the nominated films, they had nothing of any insight to say, and at one point Johnathan Ross had the absolute audacity to call Cillian Murphy British. As the state of film criticism in the UK becomes increasingly dire, the Johnathan Ross show seemed like a kick in the teeth. 

Toot: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito

Make Twins 2 you cowards!

Boot: Playing off the Godzilla Minus One Visual Effects Team

The musical play-off is a recurrent motif in the Oscars, but it seemed particularly mean for them to play off the Visual Effects team from Godzilla Minus One. Regardless of the fact that it was one of the best action movies of the past year (in part due to the incredible visual effects), it was clear that the team took particular effort into translating their speech into English. Takashi Yamazaki, Kiyoko Shibuya, Masaki Takahashi, Tatsuji Nojima and all their little Godzilla statuettes deserved to enjoy the limelight as much as any other nominee. 

Toot: John Cena

Honestly his delivery of “costumes” was funnier than anything Kimmel said. 

Boot: The In Memoriam Sequence

I literally couldn’t see any of the people they were “memorialising.” Who staged this ???

Toot: Al Pacino

Idk I thought it was funny. My eyes see Oppenheimer indeed Al.

Boot: Lily Gladstone SNUBBED

Lily Gladstone gave one of the greatest performances in history. She did more with the most subtle movements of her eyes than any other actor could do. It was neck and neck between Emma Stone and Lily Gladstone throughout Awards season, but for some reason, I really deluded myself into thinking Lily could win. And yeah sure, Emma Stone was good (I mean she wasn’t even the best white woman nominated - that would be Sandra Hüller), but Lily was transcendent. She gave a performance that will be studied for decades. The Academy has made some historically wrong calls, and I’m positive that this will go down in history as one of them. 

Toot: The Zone Of Interest

The Zone of Interest was a no-brainer for Best International Film, but in a pleasant surprise upset, it beat Oppenheimer for best sound! And rightfully so, the sound in The Zone of Interest was so overbearing and unpleasant, the success of the whole film hinged on it. Every second I was in the cinema, I felt more and more uncomfortable, purely due to the incredible sound design by Tarn Willers and Johnni Burn. As good as the Oppenheimer explosions were (and honestly it was a feat that we could hear all the dialogue in a Nolan film), this win was well deserved. 

Toot: Jonathan Glazer’s Speech

The Zone of Interest is about normal people living their lives as genocide occurs across the wall - this year, director Johnathan Glazer took the stage to condemn the genocide happening across the world. “All our choices are made to reflect and confront us in the present. Not to say, ‘Look what they did then,’ rather ‘Look what we do now.’ Our film shows where dehumanisation leads at its worst. Right now we stand here as men who refute their Jewishness and the Holocaust being hijacked by an occupation which has led to conflict for so many innocent people, whether the victims of October 7 in Israel or the ongoing attack in Gaza.”

Boot: Silence from Everyone Else

The winners of the short film War Is Over really couldn’t comment about the actual war that’s happening. While it was nice to see so many people wear pins calling for a ceasefire, these artists all had the biggest platforms of their careers, and they chose silence. In a year where so many films were about war, genocide and the complicity of silence, it was disappointing to see radio silence from the majority of the winners. Cillian Murphy did vaguely mention “the peacekeepers,” so minimal props to him, but where are the speeches in the ilk of Jane Fonda or Vanessa Redgrave or (technically) Marlon Brando? Bring back actors with actual guts! 

Toot: Messi

I would die for that lil doggie. 

Boot: I lost the Oscars bet

Every year we do a pool as to who will win the Oscars - I won for the past two years and my streak is officially over.