author: sarah q, satire, TV

D8 a Str8 Valentine’s Edition: How to Do Valentine’s Day and Still Be Punk

Heart-shaped boxes of candy are on sale, Papa Johns are doing heart-shaped pizza, and for some reason my Facebook ads are all lingerie themed. Could only mean one thing: Valentine’s Day is here. That’s right, the least important day of the year has arrived again! Sure, we all know you’re more excited for February 15th – when all the heart-shaped shit is suddenly on sale, but what are you going to do on the day? Why even celebrate at all, it’s not like you’re Emily Blunt and John Krasinski (objectively the best couple in the world, don’t @ me). To celebrate it would surely make you a hypocrite; what is Valentine’s day if not a capitalist money making machine that teaches young girls that love and affection are intrinsically tied to monetary value?

But also, who doesn’t like stuff? I like stuff. Buy me things!

Sticky situation right? Worry not, ladies! I’ve devised a guide to celebrating V day but still staying punk.

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Author: Sarah L, satire

10 Flowers To Buy On Valentine’s Day Instead Of Red Roses

Did you know that each type of flower has its own symbolic meaning? Yep, as if the dating and romance scene wasn’t filled with enough landmines already, your choice of flowers may accidentally send distressingly wrong signals to your beloved. Yikes. With Valentine’s Day upon us, we’re sure you’d love to know how to avoid an embarrassing botanical faux-pas – don’t worry, we’ve got you.

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via Remi Yuan

Plant and flower symbolism dates back to ancients and folklore, and has pervaded throughout art, horticulture and literature. It’s pretty important stuff, so listen up, take note, and make sure you do this flower thing right.

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Author: Eileen E., author: sarah q, boshemia magazine, film, long read, pop culture, satire

Computer Love: Sexbots in Cinema

Part I

Notes on the Contemporary Gentleman

Classic conundrum for the gentleman readers: have you ever gotten the chance to get down and dirty with a lady, only to be sorely disappointed that she’s not a robot? Relatable, I know. Robots are just like women, but better! Robots never get periods or migraines; they never ask you to do the dishes, you never have to buy them dinner. Plus, you can play out all your fantasies with a robot. Perfect if your fantasy is straight up rape, you’re not supposed to do that to a woman, and they get all funny when you do.

I mean, if only there were a way that you could get sex without trying. You wouldn’t have to worry about minor setbacks like your personality and appearance. You won’t have to worry about making a good impression, tidying the place, setting the mood, foreplay, lube, romance, intimacy, connection; none of that bullshit; all you gotta do is plug it in and plug it in, am I right?

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Author: Sarah L, opinion, pop culture, satire

In Defence of Emojis

This article originally appeared in Boshemia Magazine Issue 02: The Sublime, authored by L. Buy your copy at our online shop!

According to Oxford Dictionaries, an emoji is “a small digital image or icon used to express an idea or emotion in electronic communication”; the term ‘emoji’ is a loanword from Japanese, and comes from e (picture) + moji (letter, character).”

People seem to hate emojis. They sniff at them and look down on them as a marker of millennial disregard for all things sacred. They claim they are “ruining the English language”. Apparently, emojis are immature. Emojis signify laziness. Emojis are probably the reason we can’t afford to buy property (or was that avo toast? 👀). Continue reading

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author: elisha, current events, pop culture, satire, Topical

Boo-shemia Presents: 11 Things To Truly Spook You This Halloween

Elisha’s guide to a spooktastic Halloween season.

It’s my favourite time of year again: Autumn. The air is crisp and carries the musky scent of falling leaves. The academics are working away at their studies. Many of us are plotting which costumes we will we wear for Halloween or which scary films we’ll watch to get in the Hallows Eve Spirit. There are a plethora of frightening activities and films to enjoy, but there are some real-life woes that are even more frightening. Want to feel truly spooked? Boo-shemia invites you to look no further than the psychological thrill of reality setting in on you like a serial murderer in your basic Halloween flick.

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author: sarah q, comedy, Creative, fiction, politics, satire, Topical

Thoughts and Prayers

It’s a Sunday afternoon, and the board have called an emergency meeting. This is their seventh emergency meeting of the year. It’s February. A line of white men pour into the conference room, all visibly shaken; some of them are wearing golf clothes, Mr Evans is still in his pyjamas. His lazy Sunday had been snatched away from him. His wife was at home making brunch for him and his two children when he got the call.

“Thank you all for coming at such short notice,” said Mr Johnson once the men had been seated and the hubbub had died down. Patricia, his secretary, was staring at him from under her glasses, as she sat in the corner ready to type up the minutes. She had half a mind to just copy paste the minutes from the last emergency meeting. Maybe next time she would, just to make a point. Then again, maybe she would just get the point across by staring at Mr Johnson from under her glasses.

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author: sarah q, comedy, misadventures in capitalism, pop culture, satire, Topical, Uncategorized

This Is Not Just A Paperclip, This Is A Prada Paperclip // no wait, it’s just a paperclip

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re sitting at your desk, doing paperwork; you’ve spent the entire morning editing the margins, perfecting the font – none of that Arial size 10 bullshit for you, you’ve gone for deluxe fonts. Instead of a plain black font, you’ve one upped yourself and gone for dark, dark, dark, dark grey. The difference is barely noticeable but you know. Oh, boy do you know. You’ve decided to print it on the fancy paper that’s normally reserved for special events. Sure, the finance department will probably yell at you again for wasting resources and money, and apparently, the company is nearly ~broke,~ but you don’t care – this report is worth it. You are worth it.

(The report in question is the weekly update for Linda in HR but it doesn’t matter. This report is too dang valuable for stupid Linda and her stupid bangs that she won’t shut up about. Shut up Linda)

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Fuck you and your bangs Linda

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