Heart-shaped boxes of candy are on sale, Papa Johns are doing heart-shaped pizza, and for some reason my Facebook ads are all lingerie themed. Could only mean one thing: Valentine’s Day is here. That’s right, the least important day of the year has arrived again! Sure, we all know you’re more excited for February 15th – when all the heart-shaped shit is suddenly on sale, but what are you going to do on the day? Why even celebrate at all, it’s not like you’re Emily Blunt and John Krasinski (objectively the best couple in the world, don’t @ me). To celebrate it would surely make you a hypocrite; what is Valentine’s day if not a capitalist money making machine that teaches young girls that love and affection are intrinsically tied to monetary value?
But also, who doesn’t like stuff? I like stuff. Buy me things!
Sticky situation right? Worry not, ladies! I’ve devised a guide to celebrating V day but still staying punk.