What can we learn from interactive sex toys?
by Eleanor Hancock
Sex toys used to be simple affair. We were happy with vibrators and dildos, and the most innovative toy I owned was rechargeable instead of battery powered.
Then, after graduating university, I started working as a researcher for a sex-tech company. Quickly I learned about a world full of interactive butt plugs, male masturbators and VR pornography.
For those who aren’t familiar with the term ‘sex-technology,’ it’s the umbrella term for sex toys that can be remotely controlled via Bluetooth and haptic feedback. While it may seem crazy to some, it’s a fast-growing industry, now valued over 37.2 billion dollars.
Haptic feedback is the technical term for the transference of touch via vibrations and movements in electrical or smart devices. You may have come across it before already, when your game controller or mobile vibrates in order to tell you something, or reflect the action on the screen. When we combine this with sex toys, it means you don’t need to be in the same room as somebody to give them an orgasm anymore.
The benefits of virtual and remote masturbation have already been (quite literally) felt by thousands of people all over the world. Long distance lovers and interactive webcam performers, like Alec Hardy, are among these people.
For those who don’t currently have a virtual partner to control your vibrator or other chosen sex toy, you can easily find one online. A number of interactive sex toy brands have launched official groups, sub Reddits and Discord servers, where users can find partners.
In the last twelve months, a huge part of my work in the sex-tech industry has involved managing and curating online communities. My eyes have been opened to the possibilities that remote sex toys bring to people, and how they help build and maintain relationships. They also offer exciting new ways to have sex.
Recently, I finished a project with KIIROO to develop and launch their multi control bot on their Discord server, which allows people to have virtual ‘orgys.’ It works by giving one person the ability to control multiple sex toys at a time. Think swingers club: but you can join with interactive sex toys from your mobile phone.
While sex-tech innovation has created new and exciting ways to have sex or masturbate, it has also created a growing number of sex-positive communities, where people don’t just come to find remote partners. They also come to speak openly about sex, masturbation and sexuality too. A KIIROO spokesperson commented:
“Our main aim at Kiiroo has always been to make a connection. Whether it’s in the same room or across the world, feeling that sense of togetherness has always been a priority of ours, and that’s why we are consciously creating safe spaces for our customers to interact.”
With constant innovation in sex-tech, it's not hard to see why interactive sex toy communities are unique. However, much of this might also correlate, with the prominence of anonymised platforms and apps like Discord, Reddit and Telegram, who host sex toy communities. They offer unique spaces to talk about sex, with likeminded people.
Men, in particular, discuss sex toys significantly more online than they would in real life. This is probably due to a combination of reasons, like shame, stigma, embarrassment. Male sex toy brands like Tenga, the Handy and KIIROO have thousands of followers in their subreddits or Discord servers, allowing people to talk about sex and find virtual sex in an anonymomised fashion. This means they can participate in sex-positive, communities where tips, advice and real life experiences are shared in ways they wouldnt be in real life.
I reached out to one of the fastest growing sex toy communities currently evolving online: r/TheHandy. Their community serves to offer a space for users of their interactive, male masturbator device ‘The Handy.’ When I broached the subject of the benefits of sex toys, I was quickly informed, “We are here to learn, and share what has worked.”
More importantly, there are possibilities to learn about masturbation, body image and sex. According to one Reddit user: “I’ve definitely learned more about my body, through male sex toys. I have a better understanding of how physical sensations excite me, the connection between mental and physical…the overall relationship with masturbation/sex.”
In a world that suffers from a lack of valuable sex education, it seems that online sex communities plug the gap between sex education and pornography — a gap that many men seem to fall between. It offers a space outside of adult entertainment for men to discuss and explore sexual pleasure.
Alec Hardy is a webcam model, reviewer and sex-tech enthusiast, currently based in Hungary. He thinks sex toy communities offer amazing spaces to discuss things you might not normally with your friends:
“Being a part of these communities helped me a lot to talk more confidently about the use of sex toys and forget about the stigma that's out there. Women owning dildos and vibrators is completely normalised in magazines and movies and I hope men and penis owners using toys can reach that point, too.”
The benefits of sex-tech don’t stop there either. While some may worry that the prevalence of technology leads to further isolation in real life, recent research by the world’s biggest sexual research facility, the Kinsey Institute, suggests otherwise. Their survey found sex-tech facilitates both physical and sexual intimacy on and offline. As Justin Garcia, head researcher, notes: “These findings chip away at the myth that technology is replacing human connections and love is becoming obsolete.”
Sex and masturbation is subjective, personal and fluid – it does not always have to revolve around penetration, physical intimacy or performance. Sex toys provide an outlet to truly explore sex, masturbation and virtual relationships. Ultimately, they give you the freedom to explore yourself, and I know we all have something to learn from that.