Best of / Worst of: Dating Edition
The staff writers at Boshemia share their best and worst dating experiences.
L // cofounder of Boshemia
Best
Not a date, but I met a friend’s friend for the first time on a group trip to a bar. We hit it off really quickly and chatted for the whole night. It got late. I checked the time and “said I think I’m gonna head home”. Then a lustful demon took over my brain and mouth and followed it up with “wanna come with?” This was so ridiculously out of character for me that I was shocked at myself, but hey it worked! Come home with me, he did. It was a perfectly average one night stand and I don’t remember his name now, but I remain proud of my impromptu surge of boldness. Thus concludes the story of my one and only smooth and successful chat up line.
As a teen I had two boyfriends in a row who asked me to be their girlfriend in weird and wonderful ways. One baked mince pies with ‘will you go out with me?’ on top in pastry and took me on a picnic to reveal them; the next wrote a sweet but very teenage poem and left it for me to ‘find’. Cute really.
Alex // contributing editor
Worst
I arrived at his, and we went to the living room - a simple dinner and movie affair planned. The bulb for the main light had blown out earlier that day, and there was only one very dim lamp in the corner that lit not much more than the table it stood on. He was one of those people who takes all their DVDs out of their cases to put in one of those A4 folders. I was to choose, but in the dim light I couldn’t make out any titles so I sat on the floor with my phone torch to make a selection (which ended up being Wild Child). Five minutes into the film, his housemate storms in, asks who the fuck I am, demands a menthol cigarette and private conversation outside with my date. He pauses the film and goes outside, without a word to me.
For twenty minutes I sat alone in this dimly lit room. Then the lamp’s bulb went out and I sat in the dark for a further five. My stomach rumbled, wondering if the promised dinner had been abandoned (I hadn’t eaten all day). I popped my head out into their backyard to ask if maybe this was a bad time and if I should go, but he assured me they would be done in a minute. So they both came back inside and the housemate refused to watch the film I had picked. To light the room they turned one of those large torches - the kind you would explore a cave with. As it beamed into my corneas, I wondered vaguely if I knew important information they were trying to get out of me. After sitting uncomfortable in silence for a further epoch, I texted my date to suggest we ‘go upstairs’.
He agreed, the resulting sex was terrible. He slid a hand down my side and I giggled - I’m very ticklish. He told me he didn’t like being laughed at and I thought he was making a joke. He was not. We stopped. I left. I had not had dinner, and walked home wondering vaguely if I’d just been part of a social experiment.
Two months later he texted me to say he missed me.
Best
My birthday, we hadn’t planned anything, but during the day we had decided dinner and meet his housemates for cocktails afterwards - at his suggestion. He was dressed smartly - even though he’s not a fan of formal clothes - and took my coat as we sat down. He had my favourite kind of wine waiting on the table, and poured me a glass. He watched me when he thought I wasn’t looking, smiled at me like I was magic.
When we arrived at the cocktail bar I saw two of my friends through the window, which I remember thinking was confusing, because they were my friends but not especially close with each other. I entered and realised he’d invited every one of my close friends who could make it to join us and celebrate.
Intimate dinner, followed by close-knit gathering of the people I hold dear. It goes down as my best date, because it was the first time I felt like a romantic partner really cared about the things that were important to me.
Robbie // Assistant Art Editor
Worst
My worst ever date was also one of the strangest interactions I’ve had in my life. For context, we had met on a dating app and the guy had a bit of a weird sense of humour but was mostly quite charming...until we met in person.
I arrived at the bar and before I even got comfortable, he handed me a £10 note and asked me to go get us a drink. At first I thought it was a nice gesture, but I quickly realised it was some sort of game. He wouldn’t tell me what he wanted, so I went to the bar and got two of whatever I was craving — rum and coke or something. Anyway, I returned with the drinks and he took a sip and almost did a spit-take “eurgh, what IS that?” Just rum hun.
We drank our drinks fairly quickly, perhaps both sensing it wasn’t going swimmingly, and then once again I found a £10 note waving at me. I offered to get the next round but he insisted. I must admit I did think at least I don’t have to pay for the privilege of this awkward encounter. This time I firmly asked him what he wanted — I was already getting pretty bored, but once again his face curled into an irritatingly arrogant smile: “surprise me.” So, naturally I picked the worst drink I could stomach and presented him with a tequila and lemonade. I didn’t mind it, but I thought it would make my point. “Eww, this is worst than the last!” SO TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE, YA WEIRDO!
Lauren // Designer
Best
I’ve had my share of bad dates and hookups, but the majority of them were just sadly underwhelming or empty rather than particularly memorable.
But one of my best and most memorable “dates” wasn’t really supposed to be a date. Or, at least, I wasn’t sure. I had met this cute guy for 20 minutes at a concert in Amsterdam, but he was American and lived in Michigan. We kept in touch occasionally over text, sending each other music recommendations. Fast forward five months… I tell him about a great concert I’d just seen in Paris. “Funny, I’m seeing them on X day here in Detroit!” Funny, indeed, since I had plans to be in Michigan that very day, that week, visiting my grandparents who coincidentally live there too. I told him this. “You should come with!” We didn’t really know each other, so I tried not to project and genuinely just wanted to hang out. He picked me up in his car the day of, as one does in the Midwest, and I quickly felt at ease with him. But twenty minutes later on the highway his car broke down, or so we thought. We were late to the concert, stuck on the left-lane shoulder of the highway, the engine refusing to start. Panic. This is an awkward way to really get to know someone, I thought, helpless because I’m basically dead weight when it comes to car knowledge. After twenty minutes of mutual panic (moreso over the the fact that we might miss the concert, which says a lot about how we bonded over music), he figured his gas gauge might be lying, and maybe we just needed gas. He sprinted across the six-lane highway to the nearest gas station as I watched hoping he wouldn’t die, because that would literally be the worst date, right? He came back with an empty Coke bottle filled with gas, put it in the car, which then turned on. Back in business!
We made it to the concert venue, which was quite empty. We ordered beers, then a few more. I had lost track of time due to the good company and conversation but then realized it had been over two hours and the concert still hadn’t started, weird. Apparently there had been a total power outage at the venue, so the musicians ended up performing acoustic sets in the dark, sitting with their guitars on the bar serenading the small crowd. The lights were dimly blinking and they played the songs we wanted them to play, and we started to sway in what I can only describe as “that tipsy slow-dance standing-spoon bop thing.” When we left the venue afterwards, it was pouring rain, streetlights flickering. I don’t know why, but I saw a huge puddle and was like, that is our puddle, we should roll in it! and we did, and I asked some strangers to take a picture, and they were like, “Just gotta say, you’re a really cute couple!” and I was like, “Oh, um we’ve known each other for three hours.” We drove back to his place soaking wet, and it ended up being ~*not platonic*~ which was more than fine by me in that moment. In the morning his sister dropped off his puppy who came bounding into the room for cuddles and I was like, Wow, this is the best way to wake up in an almost-stranger’s bed.
He’s still saved in my phone as Michigan. We referred to this night as our “glitch night.” We’re in different places in the world and our lives and who knows if or when we’ll re-cross paths, but that memory still gives me life (and good song content!) when I’m feeling a little stuck in monotony.
Erin // Columnist
Worst
I was reading at a coffee shop, and this person boldly came up to me and started a conversation. We agreed to meet up the next day and go on a bike ride by the river. I hadn’t ridden a bike in years, but had heard that phrase “it’s like riding a bike” used so often that I believed it. When the time came for me to actually ride the thing, I had no idea how to pedal, steer, or stop. I came across an elderly couple walking down the path and panicked. I nearly collided with them, and they had to grab my handlebars to stop me. By this time, my date was horrified, and so was I, but I was too embarrassed to admit that I was an adult woman who couldn’t ride a bike. When another (experienced) biker approached me, I panicked, and very, very slowly rolled into them, knocking the cyclist into a ditch. By this time, I was mortified, and decided the safest course of action would be to dismount. My date and I took a break by the river, and managed to salvage the day by going skinny dipping. Apparently, my clumsiness was charming enough, because we dated for a few months.
Best
I had just started dating someone, and they asked me if I would like to take a mini road trip with them to their favorite place on earth. I was worried that we would run out of things to talk about on the 3-hour drive, but I decided to take the leap. We drove through tiny hollers and up the steepest dirt road. The dust from the truck in front of us hung in the air and caught the afternoon sunbeams that cut through the trees. My date picked the most magical and haunting playlist for the drive, and when we reached the top of the mountain, we had a picnic overlooking a lush valley. We watched birds struggle against the wind to reach the peak, rest for a few seconds, and keep flying. We trudged through a boggy glen and rolled around in our own private pine grove.
On the drive back, I started to get a migraine, and became nauseous. The date had been so perfect that I didn’t want to ruin it by getting sick, but at the last minute I begged my date to pull over. I proceeded to puke in a parking lot, while a family sitting on a porch swing watched. My very confused companion expressed concern for me, but I told them this happens sometimes when I’m dehydrated. I was worried I had ruined the perfect day, but they stopped and bought me some water and ibuprofen, and we talked about life and love and the moon the whole way home.
Q // cofounder
Best
The best dates are the rare ones where I feel safe enough to become completely vulnerable. Be it over a bowl of lamb tagliatelle with two free pitchers of gin and tonic talking about anything and everything until we forget that time is even a concept; or on a fourth date, both too full of wine and laughter to even consider the freshly made bolognese (maybe one day I’ll try it).
Worst
Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry dates a girl, and she goes from a complete stunner to wildly mediocre depending on the light? It's real. In Edinburgh, during my performance days, I met a man -no, a boy- in a fudge shop. He offered us a million free samples, told us he'd come to our show, and we swiftly exchanged numbers. So we promised him we'd leave him a discounted ticket to the show under his name. Slight issue: he forgot to tell us his name. I sent him like five messages asking what name I should leave the ticket under to no avail. At this point, he was refusing to tell me his name. I ended up having to Google his phone number to find out. (It was David. Ew, David).
Anyway someone loudly bumbled into the show ten minutes late missing my big scene. I met up with him after the show and he looked completely different. Obviously looks aren’t everything, but there must have been something about the warm glow of the fudge shop that made him beautiful. Honestly, everyone probably looks better surrounded by the warm glow of fudge. “I meant to get you some fudge, but I forgot.” Hot date tip; don’t tempt me with the concept of food, only to grasp it away from me within seconds. We went for drinks and he proceeded not to laugh at a single one of my jokes. We then went to an immersive theatre version of Trainspotting (tickets were like £15 each and this guy couldn’t get me a box of fudge but okay); the first 5 minutes or so was decked out like a rave - loud music, epileptic lights, the cast were dancing, the audience was dancing - full rave experience. He decided to add to the atmosphere by shoving his entire tongue down my throat. He then said that he lived just around the corner. No thank you, nameless fudge boy. No thank you.
E // cofounder
Best
Q and I are very good at sitting in restaurants for 4 hours at a time, particularly pho shops or Bella Italia. We have the best dates, and that’s that.